Tumult

Firstly, I did walk today. =)

Secondly, my stomach is tied in this huge freakin' knot. It's unpleasant. I started reading Women, Food, and God today and it's talking about over-eating (or starving) to numb scary feelings, and I'm very much feeling that right now. I thought I should sit down and write myself out a little bit before heading straight down to the kitchen. I was doing fine with feelings (read: wasn't having any) until just now I read something that hit close to home, and just had this massive wave of regret sweep over me. Massive, like, completely overwhelming knock-you-over tsunami level.

Thirdly, I turned in some job apps this afternoon. I'm also considering applying for a promotion at work. I got 16 hours again this coming week (another thing contributing to the FML state of mind I'm in at the moment). I don't know if it's a reflection on my performance or if it's a reflection of the economic times, but... um... 16 hrs at $__ an hour is not going to cut it.

Lastly, if either of you lovelies runs across any good websites / books / posters / songs, etc., share! I have a share for this evening from Switch:

"Haidt says that our emotional side is an Elephant and our rational side is its Rider... Any time the six-ton Elephant and the Rider disagree about which direction to go, the Rider is going to lose. He's completely over-matched.... Emotion is the Elephant's turf - love and compassion and sympathy and loyalty... And even more important if you're contemplating a change, the Elephant is the one who gets things done... And this strength is the mirror image of the Rider's great weakness: spinning his wheels. The Rider tends to over-analyze and over-think things... If you want to change things, you've got to appeal to both. The Rider provides the planning and direction, and the Elephant provides the energy."

 I expect the both of you are smart enough to figure out the analogy, but just for reference, the Elephant is the emotional, instant gratification-seeking, instinctive go-with-your-gut side, while the Rider is the planner, the thinker, the debater, the I'm-going-to-white-knuckle-my-way-through-this, sheer willpower-driven side.

If either of you are already thinking, "what to write about?," I encourage you to write on this, figure out which side you tend to, and how to link the two together to incorporate a lasting change in lifestyle / thinking pattern. I read the book last week, and found it immensely helpful.

Jag out.